When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Panties = found
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
