the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
