swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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