I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
