I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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