wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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