I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
