I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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