Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
