Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
