I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
Love having children with random chicks
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.