Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There r osticjed everywhere
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.