Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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