He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here