Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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