Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??