New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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