what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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