You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
