I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
pop tarts are not kleenex
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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