Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
