I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
