It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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