I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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