I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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