Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
