And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
