i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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