She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
