I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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