I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
