sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
