I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
