Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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