I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
