What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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