you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
