I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
