i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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