fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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