Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
