he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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