sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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