You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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