the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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