I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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