Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
