His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
