I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
