If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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