Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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