don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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