I accidentally had phone sex last night
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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