But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
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