so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
