I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
