We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
