very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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