genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
In America we eat man semen.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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