My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
