His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
