I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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