theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
