Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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