I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
