Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
