I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
