I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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