If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
