im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
