so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow