I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
