apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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