I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
