Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
